I wonder am I loosing the battle now. I have been sick for nearly a month now. I think it is just allergies but this has been going on a long time now. Sore throat and coughing but no fever.
It has gotten to the point that it is really driving me nuts. I’m getting weak and I’m loosing the battle to stay positive. I’ve found comfort in the negative most of my life. In this, I am not alone.
I know a lot of people that prefer the negative. Most of us like the train wrecks of life. Oh how terrible, how awful…. but let me see it or tell me all about it. We turn our necks to see the wreck and risk our own death while doingn so. They call it rubber necking. We like these train wrecks when they happen to someone else!
Instead of seeing them for what they are, a warning that it could be us, we think we are better because it did not happen to us. But none of us escape it, we all loose the battle. In life we are all made equal by death.
Before arriving in the Philippines, I told myself this is the time I can be someone else. Or better said, be the person I’ve been hiding all my life. I will be me and let the chips fall where they may.
I have stayed positive, even when George died, I managed to fight back. Staying postive and talking to God, not enough, but talking with Him.
I’ve been sick for a month now. I cough and I cough. I’ve lost twenty pounds since arriving here. Now I have stopped walking, kind of hard to walk two miles when you are constantly coughing. I didn’t even think it was a good idea. I still don’t.
If I don’t loose the weight, I will die. Not many people reach 60 weighing 300 pounds or more. A few, but not many. And i have to much to learn, too much to do to let that happen. So if I go down, I’m going to go down fighting. I will not give in to despair again. I will not give in to depression.
It will have to fight for me if it wants to claim me again because I will not give up this time. Depression is not just a matter of will power. i wish it was that easy. I might be able to keep it away help keep it at bay but it may be beyond my control to do anything to stop it.
I believe my fight for life depends on my success. I may fail. I have to accept failure the same as I expect to suceed. Though I prefer sucess. If I don’t find it, it wont be becasue i didn’t try.
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Have you read at all about the Master Cleanse?
No I haven’t. I will try to get by it. I’m so swamped right now wit things to do. :)
Didn’t get much accomplished today I’m afraid.
It is wonder I’m still alive the way I eat. It is unlikely I will be able to eat anything that is in his diet as those kinds of things make me gag, sometimes just by the smell. Don’t has me why, maybe its all mental but its me. :)
The night I wrote the above, I felt pretty bad. I did have an infection and carried it with me for a couple of months. I’d almost get it beat back and then it would come flaring back. It seemed mostly like hay fever but it was more because once I took that anti-biotics it got better. At first I took only 7 days but I could tell it wasn’t quite gone yet and I took 3 more days and that got it.
In the Philippines, you don’t need an Rx to get most medications. If it isn’t controlled you can get it without a prescription. That’s a double edged sword, a person could get themselves in trouble fast!
Rusty,
Hang in there! You are at least in “paradise” if I may call it that. I know you see a whole different world out there but life is about experiencing what you have around you, smelling the (fresh?) air, beautiful flowers from the pictures I’ve seen and surrounded by one of the nicest people in the planet who see you (hopefully) as their friend.
I wish I can have the courage and the strength you have someday. I want to just fly away to the Philippines and “start anew”.
Living maybe easy here in the west, but not simple, they are 2 different things! It seems that life there where you are is probabbly not as easy but simple.
Keep your spirits up. I love “travelling” with you and I have forwarded your blog and LiP to all of my friends here to see how life can be on some other side of the globe!
I hope to meet you and your friends when I visit the Philippines sometime soon!
Oliver, thanks for the kind words and sending people my way! Glad you decided to leave a message.
Living in the Philippines has given me a new passion for life. I think it is easier life as well as simpler but I am lucky enough to have a better than average pension.
I’ve given up some things I thought were a standard part of life but nothing has made me think life is harder here. I worry about the state of the medical care. I wonder if that may shorten my life. I think I’d stay, if I can’t take Jessie with me, I’ll stay here.
The night I wrote this, I had been sick for a long time. I had an infection and didn’t realize it. After 10 days of taking the antibiotic I was feeling much better and life seems like it may last forever again.
There is so much I want to do here. I’m starting over at 49. I have no furniture, no transportation, it is like being newly married at the age of 20 but without the help of a spouses parent or my own.
If someone wants to come here and they are single and they have a pension of at least $1000 a month, I think they are crazy not to come. I know people that live here with no pension and some of them do well. Some barely get by.
I don’t know how long I’ll be here on this earth and the way I felt the night I wrote this article, it feels like I wont be here long. Most doctors don’t see me making it past 55. I use to live as though they were correct. I don’t do that any more and I hope to be here at 90. And I plan on making a ton of money in the process. LOL :)
I’m doing great and yes it is paradise. More pictures coming soon.
I hope to meet you as well!