When Grace Isn’t Enough

When Grace Isn’t Enough!

I’ve been having a lot of health issues lately.  I’ve been contemplating on how much, if any, I should disclose.  I’ve been rather angry lately too.   Because of these problems.  Not like me.  I have not been myself lately.

There have been a lot of shortages in the Philippines lately and this month, I have been unable to get two of my medications.  One is for depression.  Its a wicked drug.  Though it is not addictive there is a withdrawal syndrome, like most antidepressants.  The drug is Effexor and its an SNRI, similar to SSRI.  Just stopping it can be dangerous.  I am okay but I’m not myself.  I’m tense and agitated and need to stay away from people right now.

I’ve also been out of Naproxen.  It is an NSAID or non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug.  Its really the other drug I still take for lupus.  It helps with pain and to some small extent, it suppresses the immune system so it does not attack me.  I no longer have the kind of run-away pain I once had with lupus but walking, oh my does that hurt without this drug.  I know cause I walked a little last night.  Not much but it helped to bring my blood sugar down a bit.

Running out of Effexor the way I did, well, I understated what I have been going through.  It causes what people on the net refer to as brain zaps.  Recently they have been using the term brain shivers.  A lot of that is overstated too.  On the other hand, it understates the real pain of stopping this medication. I wish it was only brain zaps. For me, its far more intense.  Not being able to hold a thought is very hard for me.  When reading about this drug on the net, one should remember there is a lot of distorted opinion and not fact. Some of it is from the Church of Scientology, which as I understand it, thinks Psychiatry is the devil.

What is Grace

I found this explanation of grace on the web:

Grace can also be defined as God’s sufficiency or God’s fullness in the life of the believer. God told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). That is, the grace of God in Paul enabled him and empowered him in his weakness. Another verse states, “And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:8). God’s grace working in us supplies the sufficiency whereby we may abound to every good work. I like to call grace “God’s enoughness.” By this I mean that God is enough for us no matter what the situation we face.

http://www.learnthebible.org/what-is-grace.html

For me, it seems we should capitalize grace when we refer to God’s Grace and I often do.  It may not be correct but it still seams right.

When Grace Is Not Enough

I have been miserable at times.  The other night, I asked myself, “why is His grace just not enough?”  I came up with an obvious answer, I’m human.  Grace was enough for Jesus though and He was a man.  He was human, fully human even though he was also God.

I would think the message there is, if Jesus could do it, and He did, then I should be able to do it.  Then again, even Christ suffered.  Sweating blood is pretty intense suffering.  Even Jesus didn’t’ want to endure the pain of the cross and told His Father so.

Yet, God still told Paul, my grace will be enough for you.  Both men were unhappy during these times.  My Bible knowledge is not strong enough to know if they found some relief in the message that grace will be sufficient.

So when is grace not enough?  Its always enough but I don’t always have the spiritual connection I need.  Jesus sweated blood though, His connection was pretty darn good!  i don’t know the answer.  I do know the knowledge that Christ promised us glorious things through him.  That brings me comfort but it does not make my pain go away.

Paul’s pain never went away.  His life was tortured in many ways.  Still, I think the idea is that things will be okay, even if you don’t like the way things are.  We may try to change bad times.  Sometimes we can even do it.  When we can’t though, knowing that everything will be okay can bring one much peace.  It usually does for me.  Right now, it probably brings me some, but I’m having a really hard time finding peace.  Sometimes are better than others.

When the world just piles it on me, like it does all of us, it gets hard.  As I type this, the lights are out.  Now I also have to deal with the heat.  The two things together are very hard for me.  I want right now.  I am not satisfied.  It even seems grace is just not enough at this very moment.

I have no way to know what it would be like without His grace.  I don’t want to know.  Even though I am in discomfort at the moment and even though it is intense it does help.  What would this suffering be worth if this is all there is.  My God, how horrible life would be for me if there was no promise of grace.  Realizing that, just brought me much comfort.  This is a short lived situation, glorious things are to come.  I doubt that I am worthy though I still have hope that I will enjoy those things.

Tagged with: Depression • God • Health

Filed under: Faith and Christianity • Featured Articles

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