Suicide

Suicide

I was searching for music videos on YouTube when I found this old favorite of mine.   A tune by Peter Gabriel from the So release.  Its called “Don’t Give Up.”  A simple title for a problem that can range from the simple to the complex.  Many times, a friendly out reached hand could greatly reduce someone’s pain.  Unfortunately, the song speaks to me and brings back feelings that I’d rather not feel again.

I find the song hard to listen to.  It brings back the feeling of intense emotional pain for me.  I don’t think I’ll listen to it again.   Perhaps, I am still struggling somewhat from not taking Effexor.

If someone threatens suicide take it serious. Do not demean them. React with compassion. Stop what you are doing. Throw out social norms, be brave. Give them a hug! Even if you’re so made you feel like you could kill them yourself.

Some Reasons For Suicide

There are various situations that can make someone contemplate suicide.   Most of the time, there is, in part, a medical reason.  Perhaps, sometimes there is not.  That’s not for me to decide.  I think the greatest medical and philosophical minds may be struggling with that issue.   I am going to discuss some of the reasons.  I think often though there are a combination of reasons.  I think a combination of loneliness and sense of deep personal failure are killers.  I suspect these things usually do come in combination and then there is one final intense trigger.  I will admit, I have some experience with these combination.

• Loneliness: Probably puts the most people into depressed state.  Then the depression makes that worse.  If it causes or is mixed with anger the problem escalates making the person more alone.  It can make the person angry with people in general.  People tend to blame others but rarely themselves.  The problem is other people.
• Personal Failure: A major mistake at work.  A failed relationship. A mistake as a parent. Whatever someone feels they failed at.  Loneliness can cause a sense of personal failure.
• Unworthiness: Both of the issues above can lead to a feeling of being unworthy.  There is usually something that causes this feeling.  I doubt it rarely comes out of no where.  The feelings could be false, they might be the most popular around yet feel there is something wrong with them.  They are too fat yet they are really skinny, etc.
• Hopelessness: If the person feels it wont get better, this can be the final nail in the coffin.
• Poor Health: Facing a bleak outlook physically?   Facing an almost certain death, painful and slow perhaps.  It can certainly lead to suicide and if the others are present, wow, it can seem like a very reasonable reason.  I think many of us accept this reason, don’t we?

There are other reasons, of course.  Non-compliant patients also come to mind.  Those that don’t or can’t follow their doctors orders can play a role.  There are probably as many roles as there are emotions within the human mind.   Most of the above are also symptoms of depression.

I am not an expert.  I can only tell you what I know from personal observations and perhaps some reading.   I have no training and wonder if I should even write on such a topic.  However, what I have learned, might help someone.  If

someone is contemplating suicide they need to seek medical help.  I think I know more about how not to react to a person that expresses ideation.

If someone threatens suicide take it serious.  Do not demean them.  React with compassion.  Stop what you are doing.  Throw out social norms, be brave.  Give them a hug!  Even if you’re so mad you feel like you could kill them yourself.  I know, not an easy thing to do.  I hope I will remember my own words if someone ever threatens it around me again.  I have reacted poorly at times myself.

Of course, you can’t put  yourself in danger when you do that.  If they are also violent they may just beat the heck out of you.  Remember though, a life may be at stake.

Warning Signs

Again, I’m not an expert.  I have done research on it, most of that in the past.   Some of the main signs that I recall are:

• Threatens Suicide:  These threats may be overt.  More likely they will be veiled.   Especially veiled if the person has made them before and found themselves in police custody as a result.
• Do they have a plan:  Have they set a time or a place?  They might be fooling themselves and its really a way to put off what they can’t do now.  Even though, they may really want to do it.   Our inborn will to survive is strong.  I suspect it is the number one suicide prevention mechanism.
• Do they have the means:  Or think they have the means.  Do they have a firearm?  Suicide by overdose often fails.  Suicide by firearms rarely do unless you include that will to survive kicking in and blocking the person from pulling the trigger.

If someone makes the threat, you’ve been put in a bad place.  I can’t tell you what to do.  You’ll have to decide what is the best course of action to take.  I can’t stress enough how much a hug could help.  Only you can asses if that is a good idea.  Perhaps you have been very close to that person and the relationship is over.  That person may be “addicted” to you.  A hug could perpetuate that addiction.  I still think though, you should give that hug in most cases.  If it has happened over and over again, it has become a tool of manipulation, you may not do the person any good if you give them  false hope that you will be entering that relationship with them again.  In that moment, that false hope might not be such a bad thing.  Removing yourself from that situation in the future though, might be wise for both you and the other person.

If someone is putting you in this situation, you too probably need professional help in how to deal with it.  To deal with it in a way that is best for you first but if possible, also best for them.

Do not blame yourself.

If the person actually attempts or succeeds at suicide it is not your fault.  It is never your fault.  They pulled the trigger.  They took the drugs.  I would make an exception to even that statement.  I’ve known people mean enough to intentionally cause the suicide of others.  If that describes you, you just might be a psychopath.  This article is not for you.  For the rest of us, it is important to remember that even trained professional usually have someone kill themselves during the course of their practice.  You can only do the best you can do and your best at that moment in time. You are not God.

Tomorrow, I will publish an article dedicated on how I think you should react and how you should not react.  That video is a huge clue though.  Hug them.  Forget what you are feeling toward that person at that moment.  Instead think about how you will feel if they do it.

Tagged with: Depression • Mental Health • Suicide

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